twenty two and counting

Just by reading the title of this post, you've known (perhaps) exactly what i meant. Unlike last year, this year i didn't complain much about being a 22 year-old (woman???!!!). I mean, i cursed myself but thankfully, not out loud or in this case, through blog. Guess i've grown tired and don't see the point of doing something same, twice.. I'm hereby declare that i'm a bachelor graduate, not officially yet. The ceremony will be held on May 26 (this Saturday) and my current mood is bad and good, well, something in between. I'm happy because this means no more assignments and blah blah, but we all certainly know that it doesn't stop here, my life has just begun. Compared to the awful assignments i had all these years, what's about to come requires even much more responsibilities. With age comes wisdom. Do i have the requirements?? I'm starting to think about how i'm gonna repay my parents, which is impossible, but still........

I guess this is the time that i apply for jobs and if i'm lucky enough, i'll find one with good pay and benefits. But let's not forget what's important here, a nice working environment. I feel so lazy that maybe i need 6months to relax before i jump into the real world. It's a jungle out there! Don't you think so?? Maybe all i need now is to stop thinking about jobs.

My other close friend is going to be married next year, i was genuinely happy to hear the good news. OMG so fast. That's even more complicated. Anyway, my sister gave me a small notebook for my birthday. The contents are wallet-size photos of the five of us alone or sometimes together with some notes written beside each photo. I was.....................SPEECHLESS. I cried my eyes out, literally. First reason was because that's an unexpected gesture from my sister, i felt honored - no kidding!! Second was because as i stared through the photographs, i realized the shots were taken in the past and there's nothing in this world i can do to rewind. And more reasons that followed....................., you name them. My sister is so stingy and for her to give me a gift is beyond me, that's why. She will never spend a dime and that's what made it so meaningful. It sure as hell is priceless. Don't tell her, haha..

My old friends also threw me a surprise by going to my house a day before my birthday, at night, with a cake and candles. Honestly, i'm always uncomfortable with blowing candles at times like that, with the crowd standing in front of me, so i always, always make ill-defined wishes. I'm just afraid that me making wishes will take too long and they will get bored. I'm not sure i even made proper wishes at all. How can they be granted, then??  In the morning at 7.30, i got another surprise from my two close friends from college. They brought cupcakes. I was sleeping and they caught me off guard, i was a mess with the sleepy face, heard them giggling before i could open my eyes. So funny. I am so thankful that my friends had the intention to do that, words can't describe.

I haven't been reading since forever. With the spare time i now own, i shall start from the very first page. My drawers are filled with new, half-read, 3/4 read, 1/4 read novels. That's no joke. I'm always  attracted with the interesting covers. The covers' designers are so good, in fact they make a living out of it.

That's a wrap, xoxo. Photos are(not) coming.

The new layout of blogger captured my attention. It's in fact a totally different atmosphere when i logged in because the old one had been hanging there for quite a long time. We should give it a rest.

I paid my respect to my deceased ancestors back in China last month, that's my first time going back HOME. I wasn't really looking forward to it because my parents told me what it's like. The small village called MeiZhou is in the outskirt of town and the food isn't really good and the environment is kind of unorganized and.......dirty. To make it worse, we lived in the best motel they got but still, the service was terribly poor and they didn't make the bed tidy enough to make a good first impression. Hygiene is number one priority, i don't mind facing difficulties trying to eat because there's always crackers of sorts. The good part was that i even lost 1+++kg but gained it all back harrr harr. Happy time. I really don't mind going there the second time if my parents ask me to tag along. I can't complain much because it's an opportunity to meet families. Besides, i got to travel to new places in between and i had a good time.

The trip itself took us 13days. We went to several places but still in China. I had great times and bad times but they are always in a package. So take it or leave it.  The view of Guilin and YangShuo was breath-taking. No amount of pictures i took can ever define how great the view was.. I guess the phrase "Pictures say a thousand words" is just another marketing strategy. I mean, you can directly see it all with your own eyes. BEHOLD! Pictures are just like reminders of where you were and what you did, the memories can never be replaced. Some of the rocks resemble figures like:

 

A sleeping lady with the pillow

Mother chicken with her kid

An elephant 

Two lovebirds

I love the nature but again, China is not really clean and sorry to say this, we can frequently find a lavatory with the poop not flushed down and one can only imagine how gross and bad the smell can be. That's the only problem i have... Ugh

The sudden trip we made was the one to Macau because we had spare time while in GuangZhou and it'd be a waste if we didn't make it worthwhile. I had fun time at the casino and from that too i'm beginning to realize what i lack the most is control. Long story. The Portuguese egg tart: scrumptious. Okay i think that should cover everything. Not to worry, i will include some pictures. xx

The show at night. The place was packed. Behind me were rows and rows of seats filled with local people and even tourists.

Here goes the moment we loved the most: the bamboo rafting. It's a two-hour ride and good strong hands are required! The weather was kind of breezy. It's the remaining of winter but i still had to wear a coat and a scarf draped around my neck. I hate cold. The view was uh-mazing. If only you could see it with your own eyes. The uncle giving me the ride said it's best if we go there during spring. You can even swim around. I can only imagine!

Recent Updates. LOADING.........................................................

Oh how i miss this blog of mine. WAIT..... is it??! 

I don't know if you care to hear how i've been doing lately but i have so much to share. Anyways, i'm currently waiting to be called for my turn for the final skripsi convention. Frankly speaking, i'm still not ready but i also said it back then when waiting for the skripsi proposal convention but it passed so i hope this one will too, smoothly, with good grade. I paid so much attention on everything i did (not that much), though i slacked a bit here and there, and i was hoping desperately i could say "the result was satisfactory" later. The reason for me to hurry everything was because i'm going on a holiday the end of this month and i didn't intend to bring all the burden on my shoulder while i'm supposed to be away freeing my mind off things but knowing i still have a lot of errands to run by the time i get home. I'd planned out everything, like literally everything, starting from the exact time when i should finish my skripsi and hand it to my advisor, the time my advisor had finished correcting my skripsi (which is usually a week) etc etc etc. And lucky for me, it all fits perfectly. OMG i suddenly feel my grammatical construction has gotten so much worse.

Apart from that lousy and boring information, not that i'm offering fun and exciting news from this sentence onwards, i'm kind of at loss of the idea of what i'm gonna do after the graduation ceremony this upcoming May. Okay, move on. Not this topic again.....I have a lot of catch up to do with you my online readers, if i even have one. I'll keep writing.

The Big Bang Theory. Yes! I LOVE IT. The fact that i captioned my admiration through those three words summarizes how big the part the show currently has in my life. The actors and actresses are so talented in making those funny expressions and gestures and delivering those funny lines. While my mom was away, i had fun catching old movies using the dvd player in my mom's bedroom instead of my laptop, which i heard if often used can cause damages to your laptop and i don't want it to happen so i avoid that as MUCH as i can. Oh, good times! 

I finally watched Atonement, Pride & Prejudice, Becoming Jane and blah blah. For the record, I LOVE THEM. OMG  i mean, Mr. Darcy, Robbie. They are so decent even for a character. I kind of envy the 80's-90's because come on! men back then were like real gentlemen. Okay don't be naive, i will say majority. Big time. It's like, if you love somebody, say it and if you're lucky enough, they will love you back and you go get married. Case closed. No pretenses, no lying, no cheating dramas. Were they for real??? Enough said.

One of my friends is going to tie the knot this December. That is huge. I was so excited about the upcoming nuptials that i arranged everything just in case i have other things to do on that date. But apparently she moved the wedding ceremony earlier and thus it ruined everything. I'm gonna be away on a holiday during the big day and it kind of saddens me to know that i'm not going to be there on her big day, which apparently is also important to me too because she's one of my closest friends. ): This is the very first time to have my close friend embarking on a married-life journey and i've thought about the babies she's going to give birth to and those cute, adorable outfits.

I think that's all i have to say. Sorry for the misconstruction of sentences. See you on the next post. xx

January.......................

Hi there. This will be my first post in January and will be a very short one. you know, piece of mind. I promised myself to get back on track in January after spending December doing precisely nothing productive. I have to continue my skripsi and get it over with once and for all. But January is finally here and i just don't have the mood to start working or even stare at Microsoft word. Life's been so good, my best friends are here and the rest is coming back soon several days before CNY and though we might only have a day or two to catch up, it's still better than nothing at all...

Lately i've been thinking about myself. I feel like screaming at the top of my lung. I don't know what i want to say or complain about but i just have this uneasy feeling. I notice how much everything has changed from time to time but life goes on anyway.  

lazy days

Hello looks like i've really abandoned my blog long enough that i forget what to say. if only my friend didn't ask me to update this blog, i wouldn't even bother signing in.

This friend of mine actually had this plan to surprise me by going back here without telling me. But then, two people spoiled everything haha they really need to learn how to act. OMG. i haven't met this friend for like 3 years and we've been communicating through phone calls here and there. Actually, he's the one putting all the effort by calling all the time and the phone calls are expensive but never mind, he earns a lot of money (HAHA. I just want him to read this). That's why i appreciate our friendship so much and never in the world do i want to lose him as my best friend. I know that if he never calls me every now and then, we'll be acting like two strangers, who, at some point in life, knew everything about one another. 

He called me yesterday and asked me where i was when i already knew what he was up to and i just told him that i'd known everything. It's just so funny to hear it in his voice that he's disappointed that his plan was ruined. It took me by surprise when he said he could only meet me once and after that he's going back to Sydney. 3 years and all i get is a day? what the hell? The bottom line is, we met and he told me that he's going to Korea and will come back in January. I hate him. True story.

I didn't take pictures with him because: (one) i forgot, (two) i was a mess. So glad to know that we still have much time in January but let me see, 11 days. Agh that's not enough. We're going to meet in another 3 to 4 years after this. I hate distance and i hate time. 

About the skripsi i'm working on, i should be revising what the lecturers told me but then i'm not in the mood to do anything at all. i just want to lay back and breathe before January starts, just a few more days before i continue what was left behind (SIGH). My goal is to have everything done by March so that i can register for the convention on time and do the presentation on the early days. WHY? 

The reward is: 

Free April.

yay *fingerscrossed.

The one that got away

Talk about our future like we had a clue
Never plan that one day I'd be losing you

And in another life I would be your girl
We keep all our promises, be us against the world
And in other life I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
The one that got away

Someone said you had your tattoo removed
Saw you downtown singing the blues
It's time to face the music, I'm longer your muse

All these money can't buy me a time machine, no
Can't replace you with a million rings, no
I should've told you what you meant to me
'Cause now I pay the price

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed

You said move on, where do I go?
I guess second best is all I will know

Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes

How do I get better once I've had the best?
You said there's tons of fish in the water, so the waters I will test

Oh, won't you walk through?
And bust in the door and take me away?
Oh, no more mistakes
'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay

Life without her is unbearable

Hey readers. I can't say that my schedule is totally jammed while i can spare some time to blog and between here and there, slack around. I have to finish my skripsi's chapter 2 and i need like 25 pages, the least. I've done like 17 pages and totally not proud. I begin to question my ability to complete given tasks within the time period i've set for myself. And..... sometimes i can finish earlier and sometimes not. So unorganized.

Again..... i feel empty. I can feel it from the bottom of my heart that things are slowly slipping away. For instance, i randomly took some pictures of my mom laughing and out of nowhere i began to dread the day when finally we have to be apart eternally and i will totally miss her infectious laughter. Her laughter and ours combined together echo around the house and i really.........really can not imagine a house without her presence. How i can eventually live without her one day is beyond me. Ugh i hate this feeling and how the universe works. Everybody has to die one day just for the sake of population and the circle of life?

The bond i have with my mom is irreplaceable, it is priceless, the kind of bond i will never ever find for as long as i live. Just sit back and spend some time to ponder what i said. Do you ever feel that way? Can you imagine a life without your mom? I know that no matter how difficult it is, we have to move on and live, because everybody passes away and we can't have them forever physically but only in memories. It feels funny because you always.......always can't have what you want, even the simplest thing you want out of life: to have the beloved ones to stay by your side forever. It's like this stupid law, i hate it. At some point, they always leave, never come back and leave us forever hanging. I figure i can never live normally again if that day finally come. Just the thought of it sends chills down my spine. 

I often imagine myself sitting on the porch when i reach 50 or something. Will i still remember everything about her vividly? Will i miss how her eyes turned to slits when she smiled? Will i miss her and still cry myself to sleep thinking about all we used to have back then? Will i miss her advices and never ending devotion? Will i be constantly reminded of her whenever i go to places we used to go together?

Oh please let my parents have a long happy life. Don't take them away until i'm ready. But can i ever...........

................................ever be ready?

HAAiirrrrrr

My hair is so unhealthy and i'm suffering excessive hair loss. Not to aggravate, but i can lose, say 40-something strands of hair once i wash my hair, not including the drying process. The view is so scary i always dread to look down. I've tried every type of hair product recommended and by far, none impresses me. But maybe it has to do with my patience because i tend to expect an instant result.

I'm emotionally terrified that i might be bald in my early twenties. The idea of having a clear view on top of the head knocks my socks off, in a bad way all right. I can't help but thinking that it is probably my fault to suffer this kind of hair loss. The way i eat? You bet it is! Diet always starts tomorrow. Starting over is hard but i guess i have to start listing out my priorities for a better, healthy life.

I definitely must work out but everytime i promise myself to wake up early and run on a treadmill, i snuggle deeper in my blanket. It's like i'm superglued or something. So weird. And currently my ears are so resistant to the alarm and i keep snoozing and snoozing for a good thirty minutes or so. My mom's screaming always helps this problem i'm having, She's one heck of a fairy godmother. Guess i need you now more than ever, mom!

Okay, goodbye........................

Supermassive bald black hole

I often wonder what it feels like.... going places.... I am adventurous and curious about what the outside world has got for me. I want to live away from my hometown, be independent and carefree. I want to be dazzled by the panaromic view and be swept off my feet for living my life to the fullest.. It all seems a bit too much, doesn't it?  Just sharing...

 

 

But after years and years living in the same place, my life gets pretty stagnant. This situation doesn't suit my character well and doesn't live up to my expectation, really. But still, i have everything in the world to be grateful of. I have a loving family. There's just this hole i can't get rid of, i want to patch this up and get on with my life. But i can't and something's missing. I am not living my life to the fullest. I know no matter how many times i say this, it's not going away but at least the pressure's off for a while, or perhaps not.